Saturday, May 15, 2010

A Little More About Canada...

Okay, I have to admit I've been reluctant to post anything new because everyone seems to like Effed Up Google Searches, and it seems to have gained me a few readers (thanks in large part to Chicken, who has many followers and gave me some free advertising). Also, I'm now not sure I can top this. Since my only options are ending the blog now, or to continue on, I've decided to continue on.

So I've mentioned a few times that I work for a Big Nameless Retail Store (BNRS). I encounter a lot of stupid people working here. It slowly chips away at my faith in humanity day by day. Most often the stupid people are the people that shop there. For example, a typical dialogue at the BNRS might go a little something like this:

Guest: "Maybe you can help me, I'm looking for this thing."

Me: (*inwardly rolling eyes and sighing*) "What kind of thing would that be?"

Guest: "Well... I saw it on TV the other day."

Me: (*mentally banging head against wall*) "There are lots of things advertised on TV, can you be a little more specific?"

Guest: (*Clearly thinking very hard*) "Well... It does that thing, and it has a little stick attached to it, and you can change the thing, and it might have been green."

Me: (*Mentally gouging my own eyes out with a fork*) "Ook-"

Guest: "Or Pink. Actually it comes in a few different colors."

Me: (*Now outwardly sighing, and biting my lip to keep from screaming*) "Is this a thing you saw on a TV commercial? Or was it an infomercial advertised by Billy Mayes?"

Guest: "No no no. It definitely wasn't advertised by Billy Mayes." (*Getting agitated now*)

Me: (*Blood pressure reaching it's boiling point*) "Well what does it do? Is it hardware? Is it home storage? Does it clean? Is it an electronic device?!"

Guest: (*Clearly having an Aha! moment*) "Yeah that's it, it cleans!"

Me: (*More inward eye rolling*) "Ok. Is it a vacuum cleaner? Is it a steamer? A mop? A broom??"

Guest: "Well... It's kind of like a vacuum cleaner, and kind of like a broom. But not really like either of these things at all."

Me: (*Having my own Aha! moment because these kinds of conversations happen all the time*) "You sir/ma'am (moron), are looking for a Swiffer Sweeper."

Guest: "Yeah, yeah! That's it! A Swifter Sweeper!" (*Becoming giddy with excitement*)

Me: "I think you mean a Swiffer Sweeper. They're in aisle A7."

Guest: "That's what I said. A Swifter Sweeper!" (*Shaking his/her head at me*)

Me: "Great. Well have a nice day." (*Practically runs outside for cigarette before Idiotic Guest can ask me what else is on his/her idiotic shopping list*)

Recently another conversation went like this:

MB (Works in Electronics): "So that should be everything you need to get your ipod ready to go."

Guest: (*Eyes getting wide, big smile on his face*) "Why thank you! You jagaloon!"

MB says this happened in all seriousness. Can someone please explain to me what the fuck a jagaloon is?

Sometimes I wonder how people even manage to get themselves dressed in the morning. Honestly. Recently though, guests haven't been the only stupid thing stalking me at BNRS. I also work with a couple people who clearly "don't know their ass from last Tuesday" (Billy Bob - Bad Santa). We at BNRS in Warwick, work with someone very special. Let's call her CW.

CW: (*Running up to me, hands waving wildly in the air*) "S! S! I'm so glad you're here!"

Me: (*More sighing and eye rolling*) "What is it now, CW?"

CW: "You'll never believe what I found out today!"

Me: "What would that be CW?"

CW: "Did you know that Mexico is part of North America?"

Me: (*Practically rolling on the floor laughing my ass off*) "You're kidding right?"

CW: "No, no. And you know what else? Canada is part of North America too!"

Me: (*Slapping forehead*) "CW. People generally learn these things in the 2nd grade. You are 21 years old. Where the hell have you been?"

CW: "Can you believe that? I'm so mad. Americans are the only ones who are supposed to be Americans."

Me: (*Mouth hanging wide open, possibly going into shock*)

CW: "I mean who do they think they are? Canadians can't be Americans too."

Me: "CW, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I suppose then, you're not aware that there is a South America and a Central America as well?"

CW: "Of course I knew that. I'm not stupid."

Umm. YEAH. That's debatable.

In case you were wondering, CW went on to tell me that she's very smart, with an above average IQ. I went on to tell her that generally people with above average IQs don't have problems identifying continents. Her reply was that she was book smart, not common sense smart. (*Again, more head banging*) I also gave her a geography lesson and explained the difference between a country and a continent.

At the risk of putting off a few readers with another ridiculous movie quote, I'd like to end this with:

"I FEEL LIKE I'M TAKING CRAZY PILLS!!!"

P.S. I finished exams this week and classes are all done for the semester. For those of you who care, my grades have been posted for Western History and Quantitative Business Analysis (a fancy term for Algebra III?). They are both A's. I also pretty much have a guaranteed A in Accounting. So keep your fingers crossed for me, because I'm a little unsure about Microeconomics!

21 comments:

  1. I used to work at a restaurant and everyday I was surprised at how stupid people are.

    You wouldn't believe how many ways people find to pronounce the word Chipotle.

    People are idiots. It helps the rest of us look smarter.

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  2. Ugh, microeconomics! The bane of my college existence...and a stupid B on my nearly all A's transcript. I sound like such a nerdy whiner....

    Good luck!!!

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  3. Jennifer - lol I'm probably one of those people you're referring to who can't pronounce Chipotle.

    MX3 - Thank God I'm not the only one who doesn't get it! I mean who decided it was possible to assign a number to happiness (in Econ terms, Marginal Utility), or that it was even useful?

    Another grades update - I have a confirmed A in accounting with a grand score of 101 on the final!

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  4. wait a sec... is that girl really from america? coz I myself know that mexico and canada are part of N.America the moment the word "continent" was introduced to me and I'm not even from America. god bless that Girl!

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  5. janjan - lol! Sadly yes. I'm ashamed to say she really was born and raised in America. Both the continent and the country. The sadder part is this is only one of her ridiculous stories. I'm sure CW will make another appearance on the blog at some point.

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  6. Hey S. You should check out Miss Morgan's blog. She has a fool proof plan to get rid of stupid people everywhere, not just North America. Actually, it wasn't quite foolproof. I had to help her out a bit with that part. That's what Chickens are for, though. Here's the link. This should cut down on the number of encounters you suffer through at BNRS:
    http://comedyortragedyblog.blogspot.com/2010/05/anyone-know-where-i-could-buy-andor.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+ComedyOrTragedy+%28Comedy+or+Tragedy%3F%29

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  7. S. Hey S. It's me, Chicken. I googled Jagaloon. I'm surprised you did not think of it. Your friend in Electronics was well and truly dissed and must not have given very good directions. "A jagaloon is slang for an idiot, a loser, someone who does something stupid all the time". Wikipedia says it is so.

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  8. Chicken! Hey Chicken! I considered googling jagaloon but to be completely honest, I didn't think that it was a real word. In fact, I was so unsure that it was a real word, that even after you gave me the definition of jagaloon I googled it myself just to make sure you weren't pulling my leg. I came up with this:

    The guy in a bar who wears a (pink) polo shirt, two sizes too small, with a popped collar; and probably drove there in a Honda Civic.

    Example:
    Bra 1: I Just ordered that Jagaloon an appletini.

    Bra 2: Good, that will go nicely with the bag of dicks he’s about to eat.

    Actually there are about 8 definitions for this word. But this one was my favorite.

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  9. Dear S. hahahahaha. That is good. Does your friend pop his collar? Also, are there any synonyms for Jagaloon. I forgot to tell you to google "David Thorne". You will thank me.

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  10. lol i am probablly one of those stupid people as i say thingy alot although i like to think my education has payed off :)

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  11. Chicken - I will be sure to google "David Thorne" ASAP.

    Becky - It isn't so much saying the word "thingy." It's using the word "thingy" to describe an object you want to buy. BNRS sells lots of "thingies" and using only that word to describe what you want is never helpful. Somehow people expect me to know what "thingy" means and point them in the right direction.

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  12. Becky, I agree with S. "Thingy" is a very descriptive and useful word if the thingy in question is right in front of you or is used in combination with one or more qualifying adjectives or verbs.

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  13. that is fantastic, I get pillocks like that all the time, this was the most recent

    her "where is you know the movie food?"
    me( cocks head to the side) "Like popcorn and candy?"
    her " yeah but real popcorn"
    me (thinking as compared to all the pretend popcorn we have on display) "umm isle 3"
    her "No, no that stuff, I want what you cook in the oven"
    me (thinking hmmm this is going wierd) 'isle 3?"
    her "SHOW ME!"
    me(turns around) "Isle 3, there is the popcorn" (Im pointing about two feet away)
    her "I told you the real popcorn damn it"
    me "You want corn as in corn on the cob dont you?"
    her "well nah, real popcorn"
    me (sighing in head thinking its called corn bitch its called corn) "Follow me"

    she did indeed want actual corn, wierd.

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  14. SJ - omg that's hilarious! I know how you feel though I have like a hundred of these kinds of stupid conversations a day!!

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  15. Saw you on 20sb, Canadians are sexy

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  16. TBFT - Thanks for stopping by! I'll be sure to swing by your blog and take a look.

    Wanted to give every one a grades update:

    Acct: A
    Western Civ: A
    Business Analysys: A
    Microeconomics: (*cue music*)
    Da-da-da-daa-da-da-da-daaaa

    A-! Ok so it wasn't the perfect A I was hoping for but it is an A and not a B. GPA is now 3.96555 or something. Oh well. I'm happy!

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  17. That is epic! I used to work at Walmart, and the stupidity of some people just drove me bonkers! At least I worked in clothing, and the worst thing I usually encountered was people wanting to try on underwear in the fitting rooms.

    I won't even begin to go into the story of a woman who wanted me to help her pick out a thong. She was in her 60s. *shudder*

    Well, I hope you don't hurt yourself from all that headbanging! :)

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  18. Hey S. It's me Chicken. Not for nothing but I find out you got high honors on your blog? That's sick. Congrats my dear. Well done.

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  19. Fin - I know what you mean!! I once had a woman in her 50's and her mother trying to try on clothes in the middle of the women's department. When we threw them out of the store they said they were going to call the police for discrimination against women. Never mind the fact that the people that threw them out were all women.

    Chicken - I know I'm sorry I didn't tell you in person. Seems I always miss you when I'm at the house.

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  20. 20 Questions - nobody likes to play that game. :/ Yikes.

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  21. S, Chicken here, Stop playing videogames and post something already

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